Far Away
by iamkellylouise
Summary: Who was he kidding. He knew he loved her. He just had to know if she felt the same way. Set in 4x13. Requested by luvlexi714.


**A/N: Set in 4x13. Lyrics featured by request from **_luvlexi714 _**:: 'Far Away' by Nickelback. Hope you like it =)**

* * *

Alex's heart was pounding in his chest, Addison had just hugged him, she'd hugged him and he had to pull away when over her shoulder he saw Ava...Rebecca. And then he saw the flash of hurt in Addison's eyes. And he instantly felt a pang of guilt.

"Addison" he whispered.

"I'm fine, I'll catch up with you later Karev" she said professionally before walking away.

"Hey, was that Red?" Rebecca asked.

"Yeah" Alex whispered "What are you doing here?"

"Just here to see Sloan for a check-up" she smiled softly "You still like her don't you"

"It doesn't matter if I do or not" he sighed "I screwed up and she moved to LA, I guess I'm making a habit of making girls leave"

"It was for the best" Rebecca sighed "And me and Jeff we're, I've been honest, told him about us and, we're doing marriage counseling, it's going well"

"That's great Rebecca" Alex smiled "I'm really happy for you"

"Well I'm not gonna be happy for you until you wake up and realize who you really want, it's always been her Alex, don't be the idiot who lets the woman he loves go twice"

"I don't…."

"Yes you do" Rebecca laughed backing in to the elevator "Bye Alex"

"Yeah, bye" Alex stuttered.

~x~

Alex spent a couple of hours doing the prep work on Addison's patient, she'd hardly looked at him all day and when she did there was nothing in her eyes, and there was _always_ something in her eyes. It was one of the things he loved the most about her. Loved. Who was he kidding, he knew he loved her. He made his way to an on-call room to catch half an hours sleep, he opened the door and froze when he saw Addison lying on the bed curled in a ball sobbing into her hands. He quietly closed the door and moved over to her, as he sat down on the edge she snapped her head over to him.

"What?" she sniffled wiping her tears frantically "Is there something wrong with the patient?"

"Addison" he said softly.

"Alex please just leave me alone" she whispered turning her head away from him.

"I can't leave you like this" he said quietly "Please talk to me"

"If I was going to talk to anyone, you'd be the last on the list, please, just leave"

"I can't" he said firmly.

"Why not?" she said looking back over to him "You give me one good reason" she choked.

"Because" he said wiping more tears from her cheeks "I love you"

"Oh no, no no no" Addison said sitting up, bringing her knees to her chest and covering her ears with her hands "No, no, don't, no"

"Addison" Alex said holding her wrists and pulling her hands away "Look at me"

"No" she whimpered.

"I love you, and I know I hurt you, but I was scared, scared to love you, scared to, love, and I'm so sorry that I hurt you because of that" he said softly.

"And what about Ava Alex?" Addison said looking up at him "What about her?"

"I'm not going to lie to you, I've done that enough, I liked her, I did, and I did go after her, and, I didn't find her but she came here, a couple of months ago, and we slept together"

"Of course you did" Addison muttered.

"But I don't love her" Alex said cupping her face "She was a substitute Addison, because I couldn't have you, I know that sounds like an excuse, I know that, but _I love you_, and I miss you, and seeing you like this it, this is killing me"

"You don't even know why I'm upset, how do you even know this is because of you?" she sniffled wiping her eyes "I have a hell of a lot else going on in my life Alex"

"Well then tell me, tell me why you're so upset, because I saw that look you gave me, when you saw Ava, I saw it"

"What do you expect me to say Alex? That I forgive you? Because I don't!"

"I'm not expecting you to forgive me, but since I've been honest with you, I'd like some honesty back"

"How I feel about you doesn't matter, it doesn't, because I can't do it anymore! I can't let myself get hurt again, I just can't"

"I'm so sorry" Alex whispered pressing their foreheads together "I'm so sorry Addison"

"I have to go" Addison said sliding of the bed "I need to go"

"Addison please"

"I need to go and check on our patient" she said brushing herself down "I can't do this, I really can't do this" she said backing out of the room.

~x~

"Hey" Mark smiled slipping on to the bar stool next to Addison "You ok?"

"Fine" she whispered sipping her drink.

"Liar" Mark smirked.

"Mark I just, I don't want to talk about it ok?" Addison said looking up at him.

"Okay" he said slowly.

"She still moping?" Callie said as herself and Erica approached them.

"I'm not moping!" Addison exclaimed "Now can we just enjoy our drinks please?"

"Let's go and get a table" said Erica.

"Yes, lets" Addison said slipping off her stool and walking over to an empty table, Mark and Callie shared a worried glance and followed her.

"So, are you sure you want to go back to LA?" Callie asked as they all sat down.

"I'm sure" Addison said with a laugh "Very sure"

"God you're getting really bad at this" Mark laughed.

"Bad at what?" Addison frowned.

"Lying, you used to be so good but, you're losing your touch, so are you going to spill it or do we have to guess?" he smirked taking a sip of his drink.

"Alex said he's in love with me" Addison said simply, Callie's jaw dropped a little, Erica looked curious and Mark's drinks spurted from him mouth "Oh, eewww" Addison said mopping it up.

"Alex as in, _Alex Karev_?" Mark exclaimed.

"Yep" Addison whispered "Alex as in Alex Karev" she muttered.

"Wow" Erica mumbled "I didn't see that coming"

"But I thought, I thought, you said he loved Ava" said Callie "You told me that, that he loved Ava"

"I thought he did but, obviously not and, ugh I don't know what I'm doing" Addison groaned hiding her face "He said, he said he didn't want to hurt me but, he only did it because he was scared to love me and, I hate him, I actually hate him"

"Ha, no Addie, you love him too" Callie smirked "You've always loved him"

"Wait just one second, you love him back?" Mark exclaimed "I thought, I thought, I thought it was just, once"

"It _was_ just onc….how the hell do you know it was once?" Addison exclaimed.

"I uh, kind of didn't break the bet" Mark muttered "I saw you coming out of an on-call room with him and I didn't want you to feel bad so I lied"

"Oh Mark" Addison whispered "You should've told me"

"It doesn't matter now" Mark said with a sigh "What matters is, what did he do to hurt you so bad that you moved half way across the country to get away from him?"

"That wasn't why I left" Addison said quickly.

"Oh sure" Callie snorted "It was just a coincidence that the day after you slept with him you disappeared for 2 days, and a month later when you told him to go after Ava you left for good"

"Shut up" Addison mumbled.

"Well, if you want to avoid him I'd hide" said Erica "Look who just walked in" she said nodding over to the door as Alex, Meredith, Cristina, Izzie and George all walked in together, Addison simply sighed.

~x~

Alex couldn't help but watch Addison from across the bar. She didn't look happy. He knew he was probably the reason for that. But he had to fix it. He had to. He couldn't let her go again. He couldn't let her get away. He needed her. He wanted her. He loved her and only her.

"Hey Joe, can I borrow the guitar from out back?" he asked.

"Uh, sure, why?" Joe asked curiously.

"I just need it" Alex said quietly "Please"

"Ok" Joe said disappearing for a second.

"Alex, what are you doing?" Meredith smirked.

"Something I should have done a long time ago" Alex sighed, as Joe returned he took the guitar and made his way to the small stage, he quietly arranged the microphones and coughed a little to get everyones attention.

"Um, hey" he stuttered "This is for her" he said simply, his eyes instantly finding Addison's.

_This time, This place  
__Misused, Mistakes  
__Too long, Too late  
__Who was I to make you wait?  
__Just one chance  
__Just one breath  
__Just in case there's just one left  
__'Cause you know, you know, you know I love you_

_I have loved you all along  
__And I miss you  
__Been far away for far too long  
__I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go  
__Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore_

"Oh my god" Addison whispered.

"Still wanna head back to LA?" Mark smirked.

"Oh god" Addison mumbled "What is he doing?"

"I think he's asking you to stay Addie" Callie smiled softly "I know he hurt you but, he's sorry, he really is"

"I hate him" Addison said weakly.

"Liar" everyone smirked.

_On my knees, I'll ask  
__Last chance for one last dance  
__'Cause with you, I'd withstand all of hell to hold your hand  
__I'd give it all  
__I'd give for us  
__Give anything but I won't give up  
__'Cause you know, you know, you know I love you_

_I have loved you all along  
__And I miss you  
__Been far away for far too long  
__I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go  
__Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore_

"Is he…." George started following Alex's eye line.

"Singing to…." said Izzie.

"Addison?" Cristina and Meredith exclaimed.

"Oh my god" they all muttered.

_So far away, so far away  
__Been far away for far too long  
__So far away, so far away  
__Been far away for far too long  
__But you know, you know, you know_

_I wanted, I wanted you to stay  
__'Cause I needed, I need to hear you say that I love you  
__I have loved you all along  
__And I forgive you for being away for far too long  
__So keep breathing 'cause I'm not leaving you anymore  
__Believe it  
__Hold on to me and never let me go_

"Oh god" Addison whispered "Oh god, oh god, oh god"

"Addison, just breathe" Callie said softly "It's ok, it's ok"

"This is not ok" Addison hissed "I can't, I, I don't, what, what do I, I don't know, what, I, uh"

"Addison" Mark said grabbing her face "Snap out of it"

"What do I do?" Addison whispered tearfully.

"Do you love him?" Mark asked softly.

"Yeah" she whimpered "But…."

"No buts" Mark said firmly "If you love him, then forgive him, if you love him, you have to let him love you back, ok?"

"Ok" Addison sniffled "Ok" she breathed.

_Keep breathing 'cause I'm not leaving you anymore  
__Believe it  
__Hold on to me and never let me go  
__Keep breathing  
__Hold on to me and never let me go  
__Keep breathing  
__Hold on to me and never let me go_

As the bar erupted into loud claps Addison and Alex slowly stood up from their respective seats, Addison could hardly move, she could hardly breathe, all eyes were on her, and Alex moved quickly across the bar, dodging past people who stood in the way, as soon as he reached her his hands cupped her face and his lips were pressed to hers. Her hands gripped on to his wrists, and moved slowly around to the front of shirt pulling him in even tighter.

"I love you" he whispered breathlessly against her lips.

"I love you too" she whispered back "So much, so so much"

"Come home" Alex said kissing her again.

"This was never home Alex" she said shakily.

"Is LA home?"

"No" she whispered "I don't know where home is anymore"

"Home, home is with me" Alex said firmly "Home is us, and we can, we can live anywhere, anywhere you want, I just want to be with you"

"Just don't, don't hurt me again, I really, really can't, I just, can't…."

"Addison" Alex said cutting her off "I'm not going anywhere"

"Then, take me home Alex" she whispered, Alex let a grin spread across his face, he grabbed her hand and led her out of the bar, Addison suddenly rushed back in and grabbed the bag Callie held outstretched before running back to Alex.

~x~

"I'm so sorry Addie" Alex whispered as she lay in his arms, his lips pressed against her hair.

"I know" she whispered back "I know you are"

"I love you so much" he said kissing her temple "So much"

"I love you too" she smiled "I've never stopped, even when I hated you"

"That killed me y'know" Alex said quietly "When you said that, at the wedding, it really killed me, and I wanted to come after you, I really did but, I just, I, I was scared, and I hate that, I hate that because, I've wasted so much time away from you"

"I think we needed it" Addison said softly "The time, I think we were both a little scared, and confused, and I, there was a guy, in LA"

"There was a guy in LA?" Alex said pushing her away a little to look in her eyes.

"I didn't sleep with him" Addison sighed "And you'd have no right to judge me if I did"

"No, I know but, what happened, with the guy?"

"Well he kissed me, when I went on that first trip, he works at the practice, he found me crying in the stairwell at the hospital and I started rambling on at him about, stuff, and he kissed me, and when I moved there he teased me about it for weeks, saying I moved there because I kissed him, which wasn't true" she said with a laugh "And there was, there was some more kissing, and a bit of flirting, a lot of flirting, but that's all it really was, there were no deep feelings, I think he just wanted a fling, I kept telling him I wanted more but I don't think he believed me, and then we were supposed to have a date and he stood me up"

"He stood you up" Alex said with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah" Addison said with a laugh "I ignored him for a little while but, we're ok now, we work together so, we kind of had to make up but, it never went any further than that, and I couldn't, I just felt like, I was, cheating on you" she said with a laugh "Which is ridiculous, but it kind of felt like that"

"It felt like that for me too, with Rebecca" he said quietly "It just felt, wrong"

"And how does this feel?" she asked turning on to her front and looking up at him.

"It feels, perfect" Alex smiled "Absolutley perfect"

"Absolutley perfect" Addison whispered before kissing him softly.

~x~ ~x~ ~x~


End file.
